Alice Hoffman Loses It

The latest tempest in the literary teapot features Alice Hoffman who, shall we say, took exception to a fairly mediocre review of her latest novel. Hoffman went off on the reviewer on Twitter, insulting the critic, the newspaper that printed it, and the city it comes from. She went on to list the reviewer's email address and home phone number, calling on her followers to harass the woman for daring to suggest that Ms Hoffman's every written word was not perfect.

Hoffman's Twitter account has now vanished. The reviewer, who to her credit does not use Twitter, found out about all this nonsense hours later. She reports that she has received no phone calls. This is because Hoffman misprinted the number, which is both fortunate and funny. She says she has gotten a handful of emails, all supportive. Hoffman has issued a lame apology. Her reputation as a writer is unchanged, but her reputation as a civilized human being is in tatters and she has become a laughingstock. This Twitter tantrum is likely to cost her in another way. Publishers rely on the free publicity of book reviews. I doubt many critics or editors will want to give that publicity to Hoffman in the future.

Glenn's Book of Quotes, Number Thirteen

“I rejoice that there are owls. Let them do the idiotic and maniacal hooting for men. It is a sound admirably suited to swamps and twilight woods which no day illustrates, suggesting a vast and undeveloped nature which men have not recognized. They represent the stark twilight and unsatisfied thoughts which all have. All day the sun has shown on the surface of some savage swamp, where the double spruce stands hung with usnea lichens, and small hawks circulate above, and the chickadee lisps amid the evergreens, and the partridge and rabbit skulk beneath; and now a more dismal and fitting day dawns, and a different race of creatures awakes to express the meaning of Nature there.” -- Henry David Thoreau

Well, I kind of had to go with this quote eventually, didn't I?

Rejoice.

Other Owls, Number One

Today I want to tip my little Robin Hood hat to a great owl, an owl that taught us all to care for our planet. I speak of course of Woodsy Owl.Woodsy holds the distinction of being an official icon of the United States Forest Service. Born in 1970, he has always been a champion of the environment. His motto, “Give a hoot, don't pollute,” echoed through the land and raised a generations of green-minded people. I think a case can be made that if not for Woodsy we would not be where we are now, but instead be wallowing in a pit of industrial filth that we used to call America. Woodsy Owl saved your country and your world.

He did it through tireless and selfless work, making thousands of personal appearances to spread the word. He, of course, became a big TV star:
He even got his own comic book. Woodsy was flying high. Then everything changed.

In the 1990s the Northern Spotted Owl was put on the endangered species list. Lots of folks in the Pacific northwest who relied on the logging industry for their jobs were pretty angry. The image of an owl was suddenly controversial. The Forest Service put Woodsy under wraps, placing him in the mascot version of the witness protection program.

Three years ago it was announced that Woodsy was back. He would be re-introduced to the public at a big ceremony. Al Gore was there to acknowledge this pioneer in the green movement. A hushed crowd waited, the curtain parted . . . and out came this guy.I don't know who this guy is, but he's not Woodsy. Woodsy is an owl, hence the name, Woodsy Owl. This is a guy in a costume. Not even a very good costume. And worse, he doesn't even say “Give a hoot, don't pollute.” His new motto is “Lend a hand – care for the land,” which, frankly, sucks. First of all, it doesn't scan. Second, owls don't have hands. Third, it is a violation of federal law. Really. The law states that Woodsy Owl must “further the slogan 'Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute.'” Since this new character has a new motto, it follows that he is not, in fact, the real Woodsy Owl. Q.E.D.

Where then is Woodsy? That he is being held against his will is obvious. Such a dedicated campaigner for ecology would never just fly the coop. Now, when environmental issues are at the forefront of political debate, when the stakes are the highest they've ever been, is just when someone like Woodsy would step up, rally the forces of goodness and cleanness, and save this planet. I know it, you know it, and so do those who would silence this great bird. Ask the Forest Service. Ask the press. Ask the oil companies, the miners, the loggers, and the biotech industry. Where is Woodsy?

Poirot, He is Returned

It's lovely to see David Suchet tread the boards once again in the role he was born for, that of Agatha Christie's great detective, Hercule Poirot. I was a bit surprised to see that they were producing Cat Among the Pigeons. I read it years ago, when I was in junior high school. I recall writing a book report on it. It was an oddly structured novel; it had no main character. There were rather a lot of murders, and Poirot only came into the story in end to wrap things up. It felt as if he had been inserted into the story somewhat artificially. Years later I heard that this was exactly what had happened. Christie's publisher insisted that Poirot be stuck into the story to make the book more saleable. It would need a major re-write if it was going to be a good movie.

It got a major re-write. The little Belgian gentleman now enters the story at the beginning. The basic plot remains, a few details are changed, and it is all for the best. The setting, the costumes, the cinematography, all perfect. It is murder and mayhem at an exclusive girls school, with lots of suspects and plenty of interesting, well written and acted characters. Suchet is, of course, a delight. He looks, sounds, and acts exactly like the image of Poirot that Christie set in my mind all those years ago.

I see that there are more mysteries to come. Bon.

Trivial Hoot Three

In our last trivial installment I asked for the identity of the man on the horse across the street from Boston's State House. The correct answer was provided by official smart person and musical blogger David Rupp, who identified Col. Robert Gould Shaw, a great Bay Stater and all-around hero. Our winner receives a big hoot, may he use it in good health.

Today is the first day of summer. When I think summer I think heat, and when I think heat, I think about the planet Vulcan. You might think about beaches and bikinis, but I think about Vulcan. Yes, that is a little sad, I know. Anyway, here's our question, and as always the first person to get it right wins a big darn hoot.

In how many episodes of the original series did the Enterprise visit the planet Vulcan?

That's it. Real easy for any decent trekkie.

Antibiography

H.P. Lovecraft: Against the World, Against Life. Now there's a title for you. The theme of Michel Houellebecq's essay is that dear old HPL loathed life, believed that realism in fiction was utterly pointless, and created his dark vision as an antidote to all of it. This is a peek inside the life, work, and mind of one of the most loved, hated, and influential writers of weird fiction ever to take quill to parchment.

In Stephen King's introduction to this translation (from the French), he states that he agrees with its observations and conclusions but not with Houellebecq's world view. Here's a bon mot from the book: “Those who love life do not read. Nor do they go to the movies, actually. No matter what might be said, access to the artistic universe is more or less the preserve of those who are a little fed up with the world.” You might not agree with that, but Houellebecq is sure that Lovecraft would have. The world, we are told, sickened him.

Houellebecq focused on the group of writings that he calls “the great texts.” These are, for your future reading (or re-reading) pleasure:

“The Call of Cthulhu”
“The Colour Out of Space”
“The Dunwich Horror”
“The Whisperer in Darkness”
“At the Mountains of Madness”
“The Dreams in the Witch House”
“The Shadow Over Innsmouth”
“The Shadow Out of Time”

Various aspects of HPL's life and work are explored. His love of architecture, his brief marriage and life in New York City, his kindness and gentlemanly nature, and his racism are all examined and reflected in his writing. Of equal importance are the things that are not in the writing. Sex and money are themes that seem to dominate realistic fiction. Their complete absence from Lovecraft's writing says a lot about the man and the purity of his vision.

I'm not usually a great fan of looking into the life and mind of writers to divine meaning in their works, but in this case I'll make an exception. The Cthulhu mythos may not be a complete, coherent story, but I agree that in these works Lovecraft was presenting a coherent view. His writing form a rejection of the world and humanity. His elaborate prose style created an atmosphere to present the universe as he saw it. The universe is vast and filled with horrors inconceivable by our small minds. Beings, gods we might call them, could swat us out of existence in a moment. Utter doom might be delayed for now but is a certain inevitability. If any man were to understand the universe, to really understand it, the horror of it all would surely drive him mad.

Fun stuff, no? I recommend H.P. Lovecraft: Against the World, Against Life to anyone interested in or curious about Lovecraft. A word of caution though. The book is out of print in the U.S. and available copies seem a bit expensive. Further, the essay is only about half of the book, the rest of the pages being two of the “great texts,” “The Call of Cthulhu” and “The Whisperer in the Darkness.” Oh, and if you read it too closely you might end up a gibbering, slavering maniac, dreaming the dreams of a dead god.

And while I'm at it: Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

Glenn's Book of Quotes, Number Twelve

“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.” -- Dorothy Thompson

Sometimes fear is a good thing. When it tells us to stay away from the edge of the cliff or not to bother the bear, fear is our friend. Most of the time though, fear is our foe. It is an evolutionary necessity that preserves our existence while ruining our lives.

Joy, peace, harmony; these can only exist in the absence of fear. But fear is always with us. Any time we try something new, we invite fear. Any time we strive to do something special, something beyond the mundane, we risk fear. And when we dare to invite love into our lives, we give birth to the biggest fear of all; losing that loved one. Fear is powerful, oppressive, and always with us.

Fear is sometimes a learned behavior triggered as Pavlovian reaction to stimuli that echo childhood terror. Fear is also a vestige of our primitive history woven into our complex cognitive systems. It is the shadow of the saber tooth tiger cast upon the modern mind. Fear can never be utterly banished. It is part of what defines us as human beings. But we can, fearful creatures that we are, choose to no longer be afraid. We can face our fears, examine them, see them for what they are, and free ourselves from them. It's not easy, but it's important, because only then can we dare to strive, to make, to do, to love, and to live.

Bring Marshmallows

We're going to have a book burning in Wisconsin. Some folks calling themselves the Christian Civil Liberties Union have demanded that a young adult book called Baby Be-Bop be removed from the West Bend Community Memorial Library and publicly burned. Fortunately, it seems that most of the good people of West Bend are standing up to these zipperheads and backing their library. I think the forces of good will win this fight, but it bears watching. You never know when someone is going to try to go all Alexandria on your library. Evil, intolerance, and zealotry will always be with us. Eternal vigilance really is the price of freedom.

Slowly Pottering About

There is really no point in writing about Harry Potter books. I'm pretty sure that everything worth writing about them has been written. A Google search for the name “Harry Potter” comes up with over 90 million hits. That's about ten times more then you'll find for “Oprah Winfrey.” It's kind of popular. Never one to leave a dead horse unbeaten, I thought I'd just put my one and a half cents in on the subject, having just gotten around to reading the fifth book, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

I like these Potter books. I have a few quibbles with Rowling's style now and again, but nothing serious. The characters are engaging and well drawn. Watching them change and grow as the series progresses is interesting. The adventure is exciting. The story seems to be getting darker with each book. It took a decidedly grimmer turn in book four and things got seriously nasty in this one. Very interesting and surprisingly complex.

Yeah, I'm probably the last grown-up who enjoys the books who hasn't read them all yet. I am, perhaps, a little slow. Maybe I should see about those movies one of these days.

When Slash Goes Mainstream

Hradzka reveals an odd moment in the history of Star Trek publishing. It gave me a chuckle.

Odd Reading, Short Review

A few years ago I read some reviews of a novel by Dean Koontz called Odd Thomas. I've only read a few things by Koontz, but one novel, From the Corner of His Eye, was great. The reviews for Odd Thomas were pretty strong too, so I marked it down as a high priority on my enormous to-be-read list. Since then Koontz has turned Odd Thomas into something of a franchise, with three sequels and a comic book.

Odd was my traveling companion on a long train ride, and he was a very good guy to have along. The novel is told in the first person by Odd (that's his real first name), a nice young man with a gift. He sees dead people. They sometimes need help, and he does something about it.

Okay, that doesn't sound very original, but don't worry. Koontz was really hitting on all cylinders with this one. Odd is an exceptionally well realized character, a guy who strives for simplicity while bearing the burden of supernatural complications. I grew to like him, his cool, quirky girlfriend, and their friends, living and dead. Koontz expertly weaves a tale of suspense, humor, and genuine warmth that was more than just a first-rate thrill ride. I found some of the book to be surprisingly moving. I was glad I had a seat to myself when I gasped aloud at one particular shocking plot twist. I was still glad to be alone when the book brought tears to my eyes. I like Odd. I plan to spend some more time with him. The sequel just went on my reading list.

Sacred Cod

About a dozen years ago Mark Kurlansky made his first big splash in the literary world with Cod: A Biography of the Fish That Changed the World. Since then he's gone on to write a few histories on unusual topics, all of them very popular. Not too long ago I read Salt, a history of the only rock that we eat. I was a little disappointed. It felt as if he had a bunch of odd facts left over from his research for Cod and The Basque History of the World that he didn't want to just throw over his shoulder. The individual bits were interesting, but it didn't add up to a good book.

Still, I was intrigued by Cod. I come from Massachusetts, a traditional cod fishing and eating community. In our State House, under the golden dome designed by Charles Bullfinch and originally covered in copper by Paul Revere, is the august chamber of the House of Representatives. Hanging from the ceiling, placed so that the Speaker shall always gaze upon it, is a wooden carving of a fish known as The Sacred Cod. Really. It is there as a continual reminder of the importance of the fishing industry to the future of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

The cod fishing industry itself has a fairly bleak future, a lousy present, and a terribly interesting past, as presented by Kurlansky. Cod turns out to be a very good book. Amazingly enough, the fish did change the world. As a source of cheap, tasty, and shelf stable food in the centuries before refrigeration, the cod was an important commodity. The search for good fishing grounds led to exploration, innovation, wealth, danger, and death. Dried or salted cod fed civilizations, fueled rebellion and the slave trade, and sparked wars.

Kurlansky keeps it light, with lots of odd bits of information about our fishy hero and several curious old recipes. Still, there is a certain melancholy in the book as the reader knows pretty much how it's going to end. A big part of the story is about the overfishing and eventual depletion of the stocks. Once so plentiful you could reputedly just pull them out of the water with a basket, cod is not a common or inexpensive fish at my fishmonger's shop. As an ecological fish tale it is an important reminder of how we got here and why things aren't going to get better anytime soon.

It's a first rate read, but it did give me a problem. I'm jonesing for fish now. I think I'll walk over to Wulf's tomorrow and get me some scrod.

Trivial Hoot Two

Nobody got my first Trivial Hoot. I asked the name of the only person who has appeared in the Star Wars, Star Trek, and Doctor Who franchises. Tsk tsk. I was sure somebody out there could get it. The answer is Deep Roy. He played Droopy McCool, Keenser, and Mr. Sin, The Peking Homunculus. He's also been in The X-Files and played all the Oompa Loompas in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

I'll go easy on you this time. I'll give you a picture.



I'll even give you a hint. This monument stands on the Boston Common. Who is the man on the horse? A big hoot to the first person who gets it.

Lost in Translation?

The place I work gets a lot of things shipped to us from some pretty exotic places. We and our business partners are committed to being good stewards of the environment, so packing material is usually recycled paper, often old news. Anyway, I found myself perusing a couple of pages of the July 8, 2008 issue of The Rising Nepal, an English language daily based in Kathmandu, when I came across a little article about everyone's favorite celebrity, Paris Hilton.

If you have trouble reading my cruddy scan, it reports that Ms Hilton has been declared a National Historic Landmark in the United States.

I figured it had to be one of those cases where a newspaper saw something posted on a spoof website and thought it was for real. Sure enough, I found it on The Spoof website.

Perhaps the baseball metaphors and double entendres tripped up the Nepalese editor. The article itself is only passingly amusing, but seeing it reported in a real newspaper gave me a giggle

World War II? It Was Poland's Fault

"Everyone who has studied the history of World War II without bias knows that the war began because of Poland's refusal to satisfy Germany's claims."

It all makes sense now. It wasn't the German people embracing völkisch beliefs and falling into line behind Hitler. It wasn't the British and French policy of appeasement. It certainly, no it couldn't possibly be Stalin's secret pact with Hitler to carve up eastern Europe between them. That's a mere footnote. It's the Poles. They did it.

Official Russian history. The gold standard for truth and objectivity.

Travel Broadens More Than the Mind

I've been away for the last few days on business. I'm not a big fan of travel. I like my home. My best friend lives there and I like being with her. I like my stuff. I like my cat. I like having control of my diet. Five days of eating in trains, stations, and hotels is not the best thing for my blood glucose or my girth. At my morning weigh-in today I recorded a three month high. Not so good.

On the other hand, you do see new things on the road. The hotel had a little game room with a pinball machine. A Sopranos themed pinball machine. Is it me, or is that just a little weird?