The sun – man's oldest enemy. It bathes the earth with deadly radiation. It is the principle cause of global warming. It melts the icecaps, causes droughts and dust storms, and blinds those foolish enough to gaze upon it. The sun is a leading cause of cancer, auto accidents, and heat stroke. Today, on this winter solstice, when we are mercifully free of the sun's malevolence for more hours than any other day of the year, I call upon Congress and the President to finally end the the tyranny of Sol, put our military might to constructive purpose, and fulfill our destiny to destroy the sun.
Thank you and good night.
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