The Next Bishop of Rome

Since the news seems to be dominated by papal speculation and since I've got nothing better to hoot about, I might as well join in.  I imagine that picking a new Pope is not too different from hiring a new manager. I've hired quite a few people in my time, and I usually like to set certain minimum standards for what I consider to be a successful candidate.  I'm hoping that the cardinals that are locked in the Sistine Chapel brought a list like this one with them.

1.  Must have leadership skills. The charisma to inspire combined with the will to get things done.

2.  Must not be a pervert.

3.  Must not feel overly sympathetic to perverts.

4.  Must be willing to make priestly celibacy a matter of conscience and not of obedience.

5.  Must accept that all religions are but creations of mankind and are but imperfect reflections of our attempt to understand, worship, and live as the Creator intended.  As such, doing God's work comes before the Church.

6.  Must understand and accept that when Jesus commanded us to love one another, he meant to love one another, without exception.  A church that excludes anyone or makes clear that it will not give its full love to all, regardless of ethnicity, appearance, sex, or sexuality, is not following this most important commandment.

7.  Must accept that no one person or group of people can possibly understand the ineffable wonder that we call God, and that therefore no one is infallible.  That being the case, while some people may have a degree of moral authority, that authority is one of persuasion and not coercion.

8.  Must understand that different people, all around the world, will understand and express their faith differently.  This reflects the beautiful diversity of our many cultures and peoples.  It is a good thing.  As such, the Bishop of Rome may be in communion with the Patriarch of Moscow, the Bishop of Bath and Wells, and the Senior Pastor of the Belchertown United Church of Christ, but he cannot command them as if he were a medieval monarch.

Truthfully, I'd be surprised if any of the electors will be carrying such a list.  The most we can reasonably hope for will be someone who meets the top three criteria.  Still, there are many who say that the Church is facing a crisis, and that there is a reform movement among the cardinals.  That's an intriguing notion.

And even if they end up choosing someone who thinks that everything is just fine the way it is now, at least it will be a good show.  The Vatican does pageantry better than anyone.

Glenn's Book of Quotes Number Thirty-Five

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." -- The Beatles

Glenn's Book of Quotes Number Thirty-Four

"The soul is no traveller; the wise man stays at home, and when his necessities, his duties, on any occasion call him from his house, or into foreign lands, he is at home still, and shall make men sensible by the expression of his countenance, that he goes the missionary of wisdom and virtue, and visits cities and men like a sovereign, and not like an interloper or a valet." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Therefore, if you should see me somewhere upon the spokes of the universe, far from my home at its hub, then do seek me out for my wisdom and virtue. I shall endeavor to be generous.  

Glenn's Book of Quotes Number Thirty-Three

“Thou canst not touch the freedom of my mind.” – John Milton

 I think, therefore I'm free.

Glenn's Book of Quotes Number Thirty-Two

“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom.  It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.” -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

Lovely

In the unlikely event you ever doubted it -- Fred Astaire could sing.



This is my favorite version of this song. The man had style.

Bei Mir Bistu Shein

Sung by Ella Fitzgerald. Just dropping this here. Goodness.

Inspiration

Sometimes, when I'm feeling not all that certain that intellect and romance will triumph over brute force and cynicism, I listen to this, over and over, and I feel better.  Yes, I am that big of a nerd.

A Manifesto For a New Year

Hello there all you people in 2013 (which I persist in pronouncing "two thousand thirteen").  I think that this is going to be a good year, because I am determined to take some risks and make some changes.  This isn't always an easy thing, especially for a person who has an anxiety disorder (lots and lots of fun, let me tell you), but I have found that it is an absolute necessity.  My broken little mind tells me that I should just hunker down, stay the course, follow the well trod path, and to mix my metaphors terribly, to not rock the boat.  It's far safer here, hiding in my little cave.  It is also a bit like being dead.

I am reminded of the reason that Thoreau gave for leaving his little cabin in the woods (emphasis is mine):

I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed to me that I had several more lives to live, and could not spare any more time for that one. It is remarkable how easily and insensibly we fall into a particular route, and make a beaten track for ourselves. I had not lived there a week before my feet wore a path from my door to the pond-side; and though it is five or six years since I trod it, it is still quite distinct. It is true, I fear, that others may have fallen into it, and so helped to keep it open. The surface of the earth is soft and impressible by the feet of men; and so with the paths which the mind travels. How worn and dusty, then, must be the highways of the world, how deep the ruts of tradition and conformity! I did not wish to take a cabin passage, but rather to go before the mast and on the deck of the world, for there I could best see the moonlight amid the mountains. I do not wish to go below now.

I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. 

The well trodden path, then, is worn and dusty place, where nothing grows.  Surrounded by life, it is itself dead.  It is the easiest way to go, to sleepwalk back and forth, denying challenge, change, and possibility.  But nothing good has ever happened to me while hunkering down.  I have done nothing worthwhile, tasted no new fruit, made no good art, or advanced not a jot forward while carefully walking the well worn way.  In this lucky thirteenth year of the millennium I will seek risk and thereby not simply save my life, but make it anew.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Glenn's Book of Quotes Number Thirty-One

"I see no good reasons why the views given in this volume should shock the religious feelings of any one." -- Charles Darwin, The Origin of Species

I love this quote because it seems to confuse people who have an inadequate grasp of science and theology. Logic and faith are not mutually inimical. Most of what passes for discussion on this topic is rubbish.

Hummmmmmm Bug

My brain is mostly mush right now.  This is the holiday season.  Oh joy.  In my profession that means that I am always busy.  It's not just that there is so much to do and all of it needs to be done right away, it's that it is all so important.  If we're not successful in these few weeks, our year is shot.  I know, I know, what kind of business model is that?  It's the model that a big chunk of the American economy is based on.  It's one that most relies on consumer confidence, so a big thank-you to our national leaders for creating this artificial financial crises to play out just now.

So far this month I've had one dizzy spell and I've fallen asleep during one commute.  Fortunately, I don't drive to work.  If you should happen to see my, likely with coffee cup in hand, and you say "hello there Glenn," and I say "um, uh, yeah, uh, yeah," then please understand.  I'm pretty much toast until 2013.

Assuming, of course, there will be a 2013. Come on you Mayans.

Strange Visitor

I know, I know.  It could be crap.  It could be an insult to the Superman canon.  It could. But it's Superman, dammit.  And every now and then, we just need a good dose of Superman. It's the American Way.

A Little Something

When I'm feeling particularly glum about about mankind, pessimistic about civilization, and worn out by man's inhumanity to man, beast, and all good sense, I like to remember a little note I saw once.

It was not even a note to me.  Had nothing to do with me, in fact.  I just happened to see it.  I was living in an old apartment building with long halls.  On my floor there lived a very old and very small woman.  She used a walker to get about, she moved very slowly, and was a good, quiet neighbor.  She never said much, but we smiled to each other as I passed by, every now and then.

One day I noticed that something was resting at the foot of her door.  Curious, I stopped, bent over, and squinted in the dim light of the hall.  It was a generous slice of blueberry pound cake, pale yellow with dark blue berries.  Wrapped in plastic, it looked delicious.  Taped to the plastic was a small, handwritten note.

"A little something to go with your tea," it said.

That's all.  Nothing else.  Just a little something.  Just a small act of kindness, a gentle moment of surprise.

Later, I would picture the little woman, nibbling at the cake, along side of her teacup, smiling and thinking of her friend, the baker.

When things are looking really bad for our species, I like to think that there are little acts of goodness happening quietly all around us, not asking for attention, just one person being kind to another.  I like to think that.

Hello, Nurse

Wow. I hear . . . voices.  Many, many voices.  

I have the best nurse ever.

Dear Mr. President

Mr. President, I have a proposal.  It's not a modest proposal, but it is a simple one.  Please remove our ground forces from Afghanistan.

I know, you've heard this before, but bear with me for a moment.  I know that you have set the end of 2014 as the date that we will get out, and I know that you are a man who sticks to his guns.  We can all see that you do that.  But what, really, have we to gain by hanging around and getting shot at?

During your administration an average of 32 Americans die in Afghanistan every month.  That's more than one every day.  During the previous administration the average was about 6 per month.  That is a lot of blood shed on your orders, and a lot of Americans who have far less to be thankful for this season.  What have we got to show for it?

Yes, you've killed a lot of terrorists, and there's nothing wrong with killing terrorists.  Love it.  Good job.  But do we really need all those Americans in harm's way to achieve that?

Yes, we've trained the Afghan military to defend their own country and to prop up their own corrupt, double-dealing government.  That's swell too.  All it has cost us is a lot of lives, green on blue killings, and having to take lip from our good friend, Hamid Karzai who is, let's face it, a punk.

So, what's to stop us from leaving right now?  Are we concerned that if we go terrorists will begin to use Afghanistan as a base of operations again?  Is that the problem?  Okay, I've got that one solved.

Actually, you've got that one solved. Years ago, during your first presidential campaign, you said that if terrorists (you were speaking specifically of Osama Bin Laden, but the point is still a good one) were based in another country, and that country was unable or unwilling to go and get them, then we would do the job.  You were right.  You proved it when ordered the assault on Bin Laden's compound in Pakistan.  You have proven it by striking at our enemies in The Philippines, in Yemen, in Kashmir, and all over Africa.  You can do it in Afghanistan.  You can tell the Karzai government that they are now ready to run their own country, congratulate them on their rapid progress, and get us out.  You can make sure that they understand that if anyone starts to use any part of their eternally fractured country as a base for international terrorism, we will strike.  We will strike with missiles, with drones, with air power, with naval guns, with special forces, or with as many soldiers as you, the commander-in-chief, deems prudent.

This proposal has a lot of advantages.  For one thing, we will be unsubscribing from the coffin-a-day program that we're on now.   For another, freeing up those troops will help the process of transforming our military into a more nimble, flexible fighting force, the kind that doesn't rely on old battleships, bayonets, and horses.  Finally, by setting up the military to quickly take on our enemies, regardless of borders, you will be creating a bold new global strategy based upon your successful elimination of Osama Bin Laden.  We can call it the Obama Doctrine.

With the Obama Doctrine in place there will be no safe haven for our foes, our losses will be reduced, and you will be remembered as the president who gave us both war and peace.

How about it Mr. President?  What do you say we bring them home by Christmas?

Grover > Elmo

I'm glad that the puppeteer behind Elmo has been cleared of the false accusation that had been made against him.  He seems to be a nice man.  I'm sure I'd like him.

But I don't like Elmo.

It's not anything in particular that he's done.  He's not a bad little fellow himself.  Yes, his squeaky voice is an irritant.  Yes, he is basically an idiot child.  And certainly Elmo's Song is a crime against humanity.  But he's a cute little critter, nice to visit with once in a while.  Once in a great while.

What really pisses me off about Elmo is how he has taken over as the number one monster on Sesame Street.  It used to be Grover.  Lovable, furry, old Grover, everybody's pal.  Superhero, restaurateur,  teacher, this guy could do it all.  Not particularly well, but you've got to admit, he had heart.  Now, you barely see the blue guy at all.

All of which is just an excuse to post a couple of videos.

Here is Grover being ever so helpful as a waiter.


And here is Grover helping John John  count to one.

What a guy.

Glenn's Book of Quotes Number Thirty

"The appeal of the spectrally macabre is generally narrow because it demands from the reader a certain degree of imagination and a capacity for detachment from everyday life." -- H.P. Lovecraft

Happy Halloween to all you imaginative, intelligent people out there. As for the rest of you, enjoy your slasher movies, sparkly vampires, and fun-size candy bars. To each their own, boys and ghouls.

Big Jared is Watching You

It was lunchtime and, having been too disorganized to pack a lunch (again), I took a short walk to the nearest place that could provide me with a meal that was both cheap and quick.  For me, that's Subway.  You know the place.  It's the one that says you can "eat fresh" by consuming preserved meats.  Yeah.  I'm not crazy about it, but it's a sandwich and I don't have a lot of time or money, so it works.  After the sandwich artist had made my lunch I grabbed a bottle of Diet Coke and stood at the register.  The friendly lady stopped as she was ringing me up and reminded me that I had a Subway card in my wallet (don't judge me).  It was nice of her to remember, and hey, I'll save a few bucks someday, so, you know.

I walked back to the workshop, carrying my bag of meat, bread, and veg, and sat myself back down at my desk.  I was on break, so I put work out of my mind for a moment, logged into Twitter, and prepared to read the wit and wisdom of the world wide interweb.

The tweet that stood at the top of my timeline caught my eye.  It was "sponsored."  That is, it was an ad.  I usually ignore these, but I was struck by the coincidence   It was from Subway.  The tweet said that I could enter to win a trip to Italy if I gave them free advertising by tweeting a picture of my sandwich and my Diet Coke.

Think about that.  It might be random chance that I got an ad from Subway just as I came back from Subway after using my customer loyalty card.  It might be just one of those things that they asked for a picture of a sub as it was sitting right in front of me.  But to ask for the sub along with the brand of soft drink that I had just purchased?  That is what you call creepy.

George Orwell's dystopic vision of the future just barely missed.  Yes, the government can and does keep citizens under surveillance, but it is big business who is really paying attention.  Not so they can oppress us.  So that they can better serve us.  I am reminded of "I, Mudd," the Star Trek episode in which androids plan to do the same thing.

NORMAN: We shall serve them. Their kind will be eager to accept our service. Soon they will become completely dependent upon us. 

ALICE 99: Their aggressive and acquisitive instincts will be under our control. 

NORMAN: We shall take care of them. 

SPOCK: Eminently practical. 

KIRK: The whole galaxy controlled by your kind? 

NORMAN: Yes, Captain. And we shall serve them and you will be happy, and controlled.

And we let the androids in.  We joined the social media sites that mine us for information.  We accepted the loyalty cards that sold our privacy for a cup of coffee or a burger.  And we could do something about it, but we won't.  Because we are happy.  And controlled.

Orwell was not our prophet.  It was Walt Kelly's Pogo.  "We have met the enemy and he is us."

The Code of the Cowboy

Here's to singing cowboy superstar Gene Autry, who was born 105 years ago today.  Back in his day he was as big a star as ever shown in the west.  Today he's just the kind of hero that we wish we could root for. Gene was always the good guy, and he wrote this, the Code of the Cowboy.  Learn it.  Live it.

1. The Cowboy must never shoot first, hit a smaller man, or take unfair advantage.
2. He must never go back on his word, or a trust confided in him.
3. He must always tell the truth.
4. He must be gentle with children, the elderly, and animals.
5. He must not advocate or possess racially or religiously intolerant ideas.
6. He must help people in distress.
7. He must be a good worker.
8. He must keep himself clean in thought, speech, action, and personal habits.
9. He must respect women, parents, and his nation's laws.
10. The Cowboy is a patriot.

And to top it off, he stared in my all time favorite serial, The Phantom Empire.  Here's part one:

Glenn's Book of Quotes Number Twenty-Nine

"You have some queer friends, Dorothy," she said.

"The queerness doesn't matter, so long as they're friends," was the answer.

-- The Road to Oz by L. Frank Baum

Really, it's just that simple.  Even a little girl from Kansas can see it.