An Evacuation Day Letter

March 17, 1776

An open letter to General Howe:

It has come to our attention while observing your military maneuvers against our army in Boston that you may not fully understand your position. Thus we are writing to bring to your attention to two features of the situation.

First, you could continue your action of evacuating your forces from Boston and relocating to Nova Scotia. This would be a great strategic victory for General Washington, boost morale on the colonial side, and serve to increase their support among the rebellious population.

Second, with end of the recent unfavorable weather, your position is strengthened should you instead choose to attack. While we understand your wish to avoid another situation like the recent battle at Bunker Hill, we feel that we should point out that you did win that engagement.

What this means is that while an attack would no doubt be costly, you could achieve victory here, potentially nipping the revolution in the bud and eliminating the General Washington as an ongoing threat to your control of the colonies. The next commanding general would be in a weakened position and a future colonial army would be unlikely to challenge British rule.

We hope this letter enriches your knowledge of the strategic situation and promotes understanding and clarity as your suppression actions continue.

Sincerely,

The Tories 

Six Days Later

This has been a hell of a week in the Hub of the Universe.  I don't need to go over it all again.  Bombs, bullets, pain, fear, mutilation, death.  Then heroism, strength, compassion, unity, professionalism.  Finally, a victory of good over evil, followed by a wave of relief, jubilation, gratitude, and a renewed sense of pride in our old town.  Like I said, it's been a hell of a week.

What now?  That depends on who you are, of course.  Obviously the friends and loved ones of those who lost their lives will never stop feeling the pain of this.  The fifty-two people still in the hospital are not thinking about putting this behind them right now, especially the three people who are still in critical condition.  Officer Donohue, the T cop who took a bullet for us, is just now at the point where he can squeeze his wife's hand.  This hell has not ended for him.

The rest of us, however, are moving on.  As we should.  In the now immortal words of Big Papi, "This is our fucking city, and nobody is going to dictate our freedom."  These little twerps don't get to tell us how we're going live.  We are going to have parades with duck boats, we are going to root for our teams, we're going to walk around, look at the swans in the Public Garden, ride the T, drink Dunkin', and educate the world.  We're going to complain about it to each other and brag about it to everyone else.  Why?  Because we want to, that's why, and nobody can tell us otherwise.

Did they think they were going to stop that with bombs and bullets?  An entire city closed up shop and honored the governor's request to stay off the street so they could hunt these guys down.  An entire city was united behind our professional heroes to defend what was ours and to avenge our fallen.  They thought they were going stop us?

Right now, people are asking why.  Why did these feculent bastards do those terrible things?  The answer is no doubt important, but for most of us it doesn't matter.  Whatever evil ideology or dimwitted motivation twisted these losers into murderous monsters is irrelevant   They will not advance their cause one jot.  Boston will just keep moving, keep running, keep striving, working, studying, growing, and loving, in our own  way and in four million unique ways.

And no one can ever stop us.

We are Boston.

Next Stop, Dunkin' Donuts

The folks that run our mass transit service, the MBTA, are considering the notion of selling naming rights to subway stations.  I love this idea.  For one thing, it's practical.  The service is, as the local papers like to say, "cash-strapped."  That just means that the quality of their work is diminished while the price is going up.  My monthly commuting bill just jumped by 15% but my daily ride doesn't get any better or more reliable.  Anything that could help pay the bills works for me, so I say lets get this program going.

I can't wait to hear that there are delays at JetBlue station.  Beyond that there are some real possibilities here.  Maybe we could get Febreze to sponsor North Station, just to see if they could find a way to deal with the the infamous North Station Stink.  We could see Boylston become Glass Slipper Gentleman's Club Station.  That would liven things up a bit.  Hynes Convention Center could become Heinz Ketchup Station.  Harvard Square could become The Gap, finally recognizing that the old Square is just a tarted up mall these days.  One stop down would be Supreme Liquors Station, formerly Central.  On the Blue Line you could ride out to Kelly's Roast Beef, or maybe just out to Aquarium, which would be re-named . . . Aquarium.  Or maybe Aquarium Gift Shop and Snack Bar Station.  Out in Allston we could stop at Blanchard's Liquors, since we're going there anyway.

This being Boston I can see some confusion likely to crop up.  In a system that already has two St. Paul and two Chestnut Hill stations, it might be a problem when we end up with seven Dunkin' Donuts stations.  But then, your average Bostonian is kind of used to that by now.  Driving directions around here are often like this:

Sully:  So how do you get there?

Kevin:  Real simple, you go past Dunkin's, take a left a the next Dunkin's, go past three Dunkin's and the Honey Dew.  Then you take a right at the Dunkin's.

Sully:  The one with the drive-thru?

Kevin:  No, the one next to the packie.

It's pretty much impossible to find your way around here now, so this will be just fine.  Wake me up when we start selling ad space on cruisers so the police can afford bullets.