Ten Things You Should Never Buy on Black Friday

1. Crack
2. Things made by poor people being exploited by rich people
3. Anything at Walmart
4. C-4
5. Coffee that has passed through the alimentary canal of any animal.
6. Tickle Me, Elmo
7. The Best of Nickleback
8. Trust me on that crack one. The price really drops later in the season.
9. Fertilizer of dubious provenance 
10. Magic beans