It's that time of year again. Actually, it's a little late, but I'm having a tough time getting things going lately, so that's just too bad, isn't it? Anyway, it's time for our annual predictions for the new year! You'll probably want to make note of these, as you could use this foreknowledge to your advantage. And remember, "we are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives."
In the world of literature, a book that has the words "wind" and "keyhole" will be on the New York Times bestseller list.
Mitt Romney will win the presidential election. He will immediately be awarded a Nobel Prize in economics.
The "God Particle" will not be found, disproving the existence of Peter Higgs.
Investigative journalists, working behind the scenes at the Olympics, will discover that London no longer exists and has been replaced by a theme park of the same name.
The Patriots will win the Super Bowl (I predict this every year).
The following people will be irrelevant in 2012: Tiger Woods, Kate Gosselin, Rick Santorum, and Oprah Winfrey.
The United States will continue to blow up people and things in other countries and will increase the number of places where our troops are stationed.
Elements of the Tea Party and the Occupy Movement will merge to form a new movement that opposes big government and big business. They will be immediately and brutally crushed by Pinkerton agents.
That is all! Further revelations would only serve to confuse and frighten you. Ask me no more.
No more!
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