Put 'em Up, Put 'em Up

This is Harold "Honeyboy" Hughes.  He was a relative of mine, on my mother's side.  A K.O. sensation among the featherweights, I see.  Family lore has it that he was fairly well known in upstate New York and Vermont, where he plied his trade in the 1930s.  Years after his death a mention of his name in that area would often find an old fight fan that remembered him fondly.  I've heard that some of the people who knew him best didn't have overwhelmingly positive memories of old Honeyboy.  He looks like he was a tough little fighter and I sure wouldn't want to have had to square off against him.

This poster is obviously aimed at the trade more than the fans, which is kind of interesting.  I love the language of the thing.  I especially love the list of "his battles."  A lot of Kids, along with Mickey, Frankie, Charlie, Willie, Tiger, and Joe.  But my favorite name is right at the top.  K.O. Bunny.

What a great fighter name!  K.O. Bunny.  Can you picture what this guy would look like?  Maybe a buffed up Bugs wearing trunks and a mean look?  And who would want to get knocked out by a guy named K.O. Bunny?  I mean the K.O. part, sure, but the Bunny?  Who would admit to getting knocked out by a Bunny?

It's times like this I wish I could draw.  I'd love to come up with an image for K.O. Bunny.  Man.  And I wonder what the Honeyboy-Bunny fight was like.

One of these days I'll have to make up a story about that.  For now, you just need to know that Honeyboy Hughes is a fighter.  He is not an alibi artist.  And don't you forget it.

Be It Resolved

A little late, I know, but despite that I have no resolutions regarding procrastination.  Without further ado, here are my resolutions for this new year of our Lord, two thousand twelve.

1.  I resolve to become obese.  I know that sounds odd, but technically obese would be a significant improvement.  Onward to obesity!

2.  I resolve to write more.

3.  I resolve to finish more writing projects.

4.  I resolve to read more.

5.  I resolve to take more and longer walks.

6.  I resolve to reduce the number of pills that I have to take.  You'd be surprised at the size and complexity of my little home pharmacy.

7.  I resolve to be more of the me that I would rather be.

8.  The über resolution -- I resolve to succeed.  Which is the point of all these things anyway.  That one word -- Success -- is the real American Dream.  Striving to succeed, however we define it, however we imagine it, is what we're all here for.  It is our inalienable right, so we might as well dream big.

Crystal Ball and Tea Leaves

It's that time of year again.  Actually, it's a little late, but I'm having a tough time getting things going lately, so that's just too bad, isn't it?  Anyway, it's time for our annual predictions for the new year!  You'll probably want to make note of these, as you could use this foreknowledge to your advantage.  And remember, "we are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives."

In the world of literature, a book that has the words "wind" and "keyhole" will be on the New York Times bestseller list.

Mitt Romney will win the presidential election.  He will immediately be awarded a Nobel Prize in economics.

The "God Particle" will not be found, disproving the existence of Peter Higgs.

Investigative journalists, working behind the scenes at the Olympics, will discover that London no longer exists and has been replaced by a theme park of the same name.

The Patriots will win the Super Bowl (I predict this every year).

The following people will be irrelevant in 2012:  Tiger Woods, Kate Gosselin, Rick Santorum, and Oprah Winfrey.

The United States will continue to blow up people and things in other countries and will increase the number of places where our troops are stationed.

Elements of the Tea Party and the Occupy Movement will merge to form a new movement that opposes big government and big business.  They will be immediately and brutally crushed by Pinkerton agents.

That is all!  Further revelations would only serve to confuse and frighten you.  Ask me no more.

No more!

Someday You'll Find It

Because of the time sucking scourge of the Christmas season I haven't been to the movies in a while, but as soon as the dreadful event was finally over I took myself to the bijou to see The Muppets. And since this is the latest of all late reviews, you probably know that the Muppets are back, baby, and they are good.

This version has everything you want in a Muppet movie: sly self-knowledge that breaks the puppety proscenium, clever little inside jokes that tickle old fans, humor that only an educated grown-up could love as well as lowbrow, kid-friendly fart jokes (oh, how I've missed you my dear Fozzie Bear), toe-tapping, heart-tugging songs, celebrity cameos, good versus evil, hope, love, togetherness, and redemption.

Yeah, that seems a lot from a pile of felt, but that's what always made the Muppets so special. They made you believe in all that stuff.

It's been a few years since the Muppets were anything but a corporate trademark. I didn't think there was anybody in Hollywood who could re-capture that magic. But then I had never heard of Jason Segal. Shame on me. This guy seems to have brought our heroes back to life almost as a singular act of will and belief. Which is, essentially, the plot of the movie. The Muppets have to get back together, after all these years, believe in themselves again, and put on one more big show or they'll lose everything to the latest silly bad-guy, a rich man who is so aware of his role as the villain he sometimes orders his henchmen to back him up on maniacal laughs.

The story involves Segal, as Gary, and his brother Walter. Walter just happens to be made out of felt and is a huge fan of the Muppets. I think you can see where this is going. Anyway, the gang gets back together, a show is made, there are some original songs, including “Am I a Man or Am I a Muppet,” which includes the best celebrity cameo in all of muppetdom, and that's saying a lot. There are some good old songs, including my favorite, “Rainbow Connection,” done as a duet with Kermit and Piggy. Now I'm not Miss Piggy's biggest fan, but she's handled so well here that I found both the duet and the romance to be genuinely touching (but then I'm something of a sap).

So, bottom line here. If you are a fan of the old Muppet Show and the old Muppet Movie and were touched by the magic then, you really should see this. And take a kid, if you have one to take. They'll like it too.