Ten Things You Should Never Buy on Black Friday

1. Crack
2. Things made by poor people being exploited by rich people
3. Anything at Walmart
4. C-4
5. Coffee that has passed through the alimentary canal of any animal.
6. Tickle Me, Elmo
7. The Best of Nickleback
8. Trust me on that crack one. The price really drops later in the season.
9. Fertilizer of dubious provenance 
10. Magic beans

Some Things I'm Thankful For

This year I'm particularly thankful for the Red Sox. Who doesn't love a good Duck Boat parade? I'm thankful for Dustin "Scrappy" Pedroia and David "Cooperstown" Ortiz.

And speaking of Papi, I'm thankful for this:

Since this is football season, I'm thankful for Mr Kraft, Our Dark Lord of the Hoodie, and The Greatest Living American.

I'm thankful for what's left of our blue laws, so that when I hear that big stores are going to force their employees to work on Thanksgiving, I know that it's not going to happen here in the Commonwealth.

I'm thankful for my new place, The Secret Headquarters for World Domination, located here in The Hub of the Universe.

I'm thankful for the three life sustaining liquids, coffee, beer, and whiskey.

And cops. This year, most especially, I'm thankful for the cops.